Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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