Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
