I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
