goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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