if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
