Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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