No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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