and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
