Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
