Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
whose ass print is on the piano?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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