the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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