i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We had sex on a dog bed..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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