After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
