I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
