Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
