it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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