I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Small penises have feelings too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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