Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
