he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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