Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
