people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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