Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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