Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
