Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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