brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
