Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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