i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I color on your dick again?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
