It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
