toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
