right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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