What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Vodka?
Forever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
