Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
