You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
