new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
