even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
