i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
