I think I won the penis lottery.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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