Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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