Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
