I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
