theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
