I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
