You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
