i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
