I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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