Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
