I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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