At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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