i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
