Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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