god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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