i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
