Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
