I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
